doors

Sometimes people come into your life to reflect to you all of the parts of you that still need healing. Mirrors of self-worth, disappointment, distraction, and confusion.

A door closes shut behind me. Sometimes people are a wake-up call. A splash of icy cold water that shocks your system awake. Another door opens in front of me so beautifully I almost fly away right then and there from excitement. I settle for a squeal and happy dance in the elevator.

“Hello my darling, where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you to come home again. Finally, there you are. Returning.”

Bells chiming. Sirens sounding off loudly in my body. Narrowed eyes and a sharp tongue focusing in again on purpose, truth, and honesty. I don’t want to live in a unregulated nervous system. I don’t want to share my time and energy without accountability.

When all of the world falls away, when all of the masks of the people we try to pretend, and struggle, and fight to be finally release, when we relinquish ourselves from the labour of inauthenticity and the abandonment of self, health, and body, who are you? Or rather, who can you be? Who can you become?

“We are alive only to the degree to which we are willing to be annihilated. Our next life will always cost us this one. If we are truly alive, we are constantly losing who we just were, what we just built, what we just believed, what we just knew to be true…I cannot hold too tightly to any riverbank. I must let go of the shore in order to travel deeper and see farther. Again and again, and then again. Until the final death and rebirth. Right up until then.” - Glennon Doyle

When all of the world falls away,

I can confidently say,

That I hold my own bones home,

always.

All for now,

All my love,

Onward.

-m

dancing myself free. a monarch. a sovereign.